It seems so easy and care-free in the beginning. You fall in love, smile constantly, talk about your future, and want to spend every moment together. The simple thought of losing the person makes your heart race......
Then, it happens! The honeymoon phase wears off!!! The kids are born, day-to-day struggle of life kicks our butt, open communication stops, selfishness creeps in, understanding flies out the window and the resentment begins to take over.
When these issues go unchecked often times one or both of you feel alienated. This is usually where the fighting happens more than once a week and you just want to lock yourself in a room away from everyone. This is also where your home boys or girlfriends are whispering in your ear to cheat or leave.
However, what happens when deep down inside you truly love the person? What happens when your communication just sucks and you can't reach him or her? What happens when your kids know there is something wrong but you shouldn't be talking to them about it? This is a reality way to many of us face.
In my personal experience, I have found that leaving issues alone and expecting them to disappear doesn't work. Also, blowing up and yelling about them everyday doesn't work either. At some point both parties must be willing to have REAL, RAW, emotional-filled conversations without blaming the other person for the relationship faults.
This is where things get tricky, because often times we feel wronged or mistreated and we just want our partner to hear that. We just need our partner to understand our side. However, when the relationship lacks communication, empathy, and understanding you could say those things until you're blue in the face and they will never hear you.
Date nights and moments alone are great, but if we don't seek to understand how a person ticks, reacts, loves, views the world, etc. those moments are fleeting. That's the thing about L-O-V-E..... true unconditional love (which most of us are not capable of- even with our children) requires us to be open and see the world through another set of eyes.
Relationships are difficult on all levels, but it is us who makes the road so bumpy and filled with holes. We do not need another person to make us complete, but when we find someone that makes life sweeter it can be an amazing time. The challenge will always be growing and adapting together as you both learn who you are, what you want, and how you want to live your lives.
The question is never can you love me? It should be will you love me as I become the best version of myself? I see it all the time.... couples start out great and then one or both of them see that they are no longer satisfied living a mediocre life and suddenly someone is upset because they feel that the other person has become someone else.
Truth is, the person you're dating or married to is simply following the path in their life they were destined to take. You may be walking your paths together, but not walking on the same road. At this point you have to ask yourself... Am I here for the long haul or is the ending point? When we grow together we do not always reach certain points at the same time. This is where patience and love are truly needed. We must also admit that having separate lives but loving each other together is not as easy as it seems.
It is unhealthy and dangerous to become wrapped up in someone's life and make it your own. You will eventually become severely unhappy because it is not YOUR path in life. This is where you must keep the scale balanced to remain in a head space that facilitates growth. We often become jealous, resentful and even try to hold people hostage in certain spaces when we do not allow our partner to be who they truly are.
I think it would be such a great idea if couples would skip the lovey-dovey crap at the beginning and dive into conversations that require them to discuss who they are at that point, who they want to become and how they plan to get there. We focus so much on the physical that we forget sometimes to think about the spiritual and internal.
I'm no expert! I just share what is on my heart and my experience in this life. Some will agree and some will not. The point of this week's blog is to shed light on the fact that we as humans are usually the ones making the relationship difficult.... not the relationship itself. Love hard, be strong, and fight for what you know is right.
--Liv
Commentaires