With my first pregnancy I didn’t get all weepy at lifetime movies or go night ninja on people when I got angry. However, this time I could fill a 32 Oz water bottle with my tears, chop a table in half with my bare hands and possibly make the devil himself cry with my words.
The difference is remarkable, but to be very honest it’s not my emotions that cause this surge, nine times out of ten. I truly believe it is directly linked to amount of times I have to hear someone checking on, doing for, or making choices for the “baby” with no regard to my body, choices, or wishes.
This pregnancy has been different for sure! However, with my first one I was too busy being worried about all the changes my body was going through to notice the lack of respect for the MOTHER carrying the child. You wise up with the first one. You gain strength and honestly, you grow some balls when it comes to what you allow people say to you.
This time, it all started when I decided to see a midwife instead of an OB/GYN. The looks and snide comments started there! “Why would you do that?” “You aren’t using drugs?” “You are crazy?” “How does this work?” “Are you sure?” “What about what’s best for the baby?”
That’s what did it!!! What about the baby? I have been asked this more times than I can count, pertaining to many different things. My issue with this question is this: so every single woman on this planet is supposed to give up her rights, choice, desires and voice because she gets pregnant? We view women as the vehicle to get the child here instead of the driving force that brings life into this world.
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when you’ve been through what I’ve been through to simply bring a baby into the world you don’t have a high tolerance for disrespect or STUPID. I believe wholeheartedly in allowing your body to do what it is designed to do. Am I scared to have a baby without drugs since my first one was with them? HELL YES!!! But, I believe I was created to do it.
This pregnancy has also not been complication free. Before even exiting the first trimester we already had a subchorionic hemorrhage and the percentage of death during child birth was already high due to my reproductive challenges prior to pregnancy. Again, the dreaded freaking question: what about the baby? My issue- the baby has been fine during this whole ordeal. Me on the other hand.... scared, stressed, anxiety, crying, not able to eat, losing weight. I could go on but you get the picture.
Everyday begins and ends with bleeding, my sex life is nonexistent, and I can’t pick up my 2 year old son. Do you know how hard it is to look at your baby (who is already trying to cope with the fact he’s not the baby anymore) and tell him you can’t pick him up, when all he wants is his mommy?!?! On top of this, I can’t go grocery shopping, workout, or deep clean my house without having trouble walking and getting up off the couch.
Everyday is a battle. But do you know what I appreciate about this experience more than ever? I have become a warrior instead of a timid, quiet, lay down and take it type of person. I have found my voice and I have pushed the envelope when it comes to my health and the choices I allow others to make for me.
I’m proud of myself for taking a stand and allowing my knowledge of natural health guide me. I have made listening to my body my first priority. My baby is sharing my space, not taking it over and that is key in this situation. My last pregnancy I allowed my baby, the doctors, and my family to shape all my decisions. This time I look to my spirit and the essence of my body to determine what’s best.
If you too, are dealing with these very frustrating things please know that you do know what is best for you, your body and your baby. DO NOT let anyone else make you think any differently! That feeling of discord that creeps up is your soul’s way of saying “Hey! I’m over here! We can do this! Just listen.” Don’t let the feeling of uncomfortable make you run for the hills. Trust your judgement and your intuition.
-Liv
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