I know that "Emotions are triggered by so many sources other than hormones," says Dr. Frank Ling, professor and chairman of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Tennessee? (WebMD) Dr. Ling goes on to say, "What I tell patients ahead of time is, 'Look, you're not going to feel the same during pregnancy as you did before, so you and your spouse have to recognize that how you respond to a circumstance when you're pregnant may be different from how you responded before.'"
It is so strange how our feelings can be misinterpreted and the way that others view a situation can be completely different than what we see right before our very eyes. Although, this next quote deals with life in general it's a great way to look at these sensitive situations. --- "Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in."
The beauty of this is that we can seek to understand our partners and loved ones instead of assuming that everything is the same in someone else's mind. Pregnancy also makes life just a little more difficult because the hormones are running high and the self doubt is amazingly overwhelming at times.
I know that during my first pregnancy I was very angry all the time. It didn't matter what happened; every negative feeling was amplified even if the person didn't mean any harm. I spent a lot of time in tears and I was very unhappy the entire time. I believe this lead to my Postpartum Depression and caused me to not be able to keep going as I once did.
I'm usually a level-headed, strong individual. However, after birth I was merely a shell of myself. It took me until my son was two to feel "normal" again. Also, things have never been the same between me and my partner. Having a child changed me in ways that I cannot revert from.
This pregnancy has been very different, but there is one major component that changed. I work from home now, attending to my own businesses. While some people think this is glamorous and exciting I need to keep it real with you. By the time my partner comes home from work I am mentally exhausted, completely overwhelmed and on stimulation overload. I don't want to be touched. I don't want to hear noise, and I truly just want to be left alone.
I know, I know! What a horrible thing to say! But, here is the TRUTH: MOMS NEED A BREAK! Most certainly, PREGNANT MOMS! We give so much of ourselves ALL DAY long and when you are a fairly introverted person it can feel like you have drained yourself completely of every single drop of energy you have.
There are lots of people that I have encountered in my life that have given their two cents. "You should be your child's pacifier. You need to be the sole caregiver for the children. You are the mom so you don't get a life anymore." There are SO MANY THINGS wrong with this mentality. You want to know how we got "the entitled children generation"? The comments above are EXACTLY why children now feel that MOM is supposed to do everything for them.
What seems to go unsaid is that Mom is a person with feelings, thoughts, needs, desires, dreams, and realities of her own. Just because she has a child doesn't mean she is to give up her entire identity. The reason you see so many women struggling after birth with their thoughts and emotions is because the world is holding them to an unattainable expectation. I know..... I've been there TWICE! I was "working mom" the first time and now I'm "work at home mom".
If folks would take a moment to step back and understand that Mom should be doing what's best for her and the child and not give two s**** about what anyone else thinks this world would be a much better place. However, we get to a point that we don't want to let people down and we don't want to give our children less than they deserve.
On the other hand, this is my message for you MOM: take that day off, give in to that self care, dream again, love yourself first, go out to eat, have that glass of wine in the tub after they to sleep, leave the dirty dishes for someone else every once in a while, forget about the dusting and vacuuming just this once, AND PLEASE take a moment to re-calibrate your brain after a day of cartoons, MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY, deadlines, explosive poops, conference calls, and feeling like you just aren't going to make it.
Hang in there! It gets better. Even on the worst day I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My prayer for you is that when things get too tough that you take the moment you need to regain your strength and that you NEVER let someone else make you feel like you are less than. After all, YOU DID GROW A PERSON AND GIVE THEM LIFE. That's pretty kick ass and is enough in my book. Then, after they get here you turn into superwoman..... basically. What's your superpower, they ask? I'm a MOM!
--Liv
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