It starts around December 1. I get that lump in my throat and I feel like tears will flow any second, every day of this month. I contemplate reaching out to those “toxic” family members. I go over “what if” situations in my head every day. I start to get into the holiday spirit only to be miserable on the inside even though the outside looks like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
The truth is Christmas time might be one of the hardest times of year for me. Like many others I lost someone I loved on Christmas Eve. Some family members decided their hateful ways were more important to hold on to than our relationship. I backed away from some people because of toxicity. Real talk: I’m usually a BA HUMBUG type of person.
However, something happened to me Christmas Day 2015. I saw the magic of Christmas from the child perspective. I had my own child now and making Christmas magical was so much more fun than I had ever imagined. His Dad is like a big kid at this time of year so that helped greatly. I no longer felt silly baking, singing, laughing, dressing up, decorating, etc. I could embrace what this wonderful season was truly for.
Once I took all that in and decided to create my own traditions, the Christmas season became something that I look forward to all year. In fact, I am listening to 90’s R & B Christmas hits as we speak with a cheesecake in the oven. I’m awaiting the arrival of my step children so we can bake cookies and share treats.
This year I have two little ones to share the “magic” with! I could not be more happy than I am right now. This year I am making my debut in the kitchen. I consider this a rite of passage, if you will. I will be executing an entire Christmas dinner and inviting my family to join me. It seems so crazy that I am the adult now and its my turn to give back.
I was thinking about my relationship with my father the other day. We missed many Christmas seasons together and now I get to share my home, meal and children with him. If you could see the look of pride in his eyes when he looks at my kids you’d almost cry yourself. It has truly been a blessing to restore this relationship and make the most with “Grandpa Rob”! It’s crazy to see my honey and my dad sipping beers while watching football in the man cave.
So, this Christmas I challenge you to start your own traditions. It doesn’t matter how silly they seem. It doesn’t matter who doesn’t show up. It also doesn’t matter what ANYONE else thinks! Enjoy your new found moments with the ones that are there and the ones you love. Embrace the laughter, the happiness, and the bubbly feelings that come with truly LOVING those around you and the life you have created.
One thing will always remain true every season...... you have the power to create and live the life you truly want. Do not hold back! I used to crawl up in a ball under my covers and ignore the world from December 24 to January 1, every year. Now, I give hugs, make treats, open gifts, and love hard. Every single thing I always wanted and needed when I was kid is exactly what I give my family now.
Show love. Give love. Be love.
Happy Holidays. See you next year!
—Liv
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